Rejection from a so called friend

It just pisses me off when I’m a friend to someone and they don’t bother returning my phone calls. What the fuck si wrong with people nowadays? Does everyone in the world have to be a lame ass mother fucker? What the hell? I get so angry about it, I just want to spit nails. I’m a good person. I’m a good friend. I may be truthful and blunt; but I’m a good friend. I’m a good person.

So why the hell do people not return my calls? I’m angry at a particular person at the moment, for not returning my calls, for thinking she is better then mesimply because she wastes all her money on organic food. Well, thanks but given the choice between electricity and organic food, I would rather have electricity. Thanks. I understand that it’s important. I understand that we should be eating as much organic as possible. But I can’t fucking afford it. Alright?

I met this person thru her live in boyfriend, who I happen to know. She is a nice girl, but so extreme. She’s so extreme in her way of thinking that she makes you feel badly for the way you live your life in comparison to hers. She points out what you are doing wrong, she tells you what you could be doing better. She acts proud and high on herself for being the way that she is. So I’m not a vegetarian. So I don’t eat all organic food. Does that make me less of a person? In terms of living in harmony with the environment, does doing these things and bragging about them, and acting holier then thou about it, does it make her more in harmony with the earth? No. it does not. In fact, yes. Animals are living things. So are plants. So are trees, and flowers and all that grows. It doesn’t mean that I’m not going to eat at all so as to not hurt any living thing. I eat healthy. But I believe in the passion that comes from the love of making a good hearty meal for my family. I love to cook. Cooking is passion. Food is love. And I don’t put restrictions on love. Or passion. I just know when to say when.

When it comes down to it, I am hurt. I am hurt that she doesn’t return my calls, I am hurt that she thinks herself better then me. I am bothered and angry that she thinks that way. I am hurt and angry because I know that although I am blunt, I am kind. I am worth having as a friend. It makes me feel rejected, which angers me. I shouldn’t feel this way. Hurt and angry. It’s her loss, right? But I’m so trying to make friendships which uplift me and make me feel more positive. I want friendships with people who are okay with my spirituality, and who share my beliefs; people who are creative and artistic like me; people who inspire me. Some times there are people who need you, and that’s great. It’s nice to be needed. But sometimes I need to give back to myself; to restore myself.

Perhaps I feel badly for calling her and leaving her a message stating that I have her book that she intrusively gave me to borrow. I didn’t want it, she just got that holier than thou attitude and assumed I needed it. It’s called “giving the love that heals”. It’s a parenting book. Thanks . But no thanks. First of all, I know how love. I don’t need a book to teach me that. I also do not need someone to assume things of me, when I am opening myself up to you. I tell her things, and she reccomeneds books to me. I don’t need some silly book to teach me what I already know. I give love to my daughter. She’s my guru. She teaches me what it is to be a real person. She teaches me what it is to be alive. To love. To live. No book can teach you that. No book can tell you how to be a good parent. Not really. Your intuition tells you. You can waken the wisdom inside you. That is what teaches you. It alone can tell you what your child needs. Not a book. No book in the world is substitute for your third eye, for the wisdom within.

So I suppose that I’ll forget about her. She’s not worth me feeling negatively about it. I just want a friend who shares my interests. For now I’ll be friends with myself.