Putting the past behind me

I feel a bit sad today. Feeling better than I did last night, but still, sad. I have a few credit card bills, and my unemployment ran out. Just wonderful. Can someone please tell the government that SAHMs work too?

The key is to learn from my mistakes. I have to learn that I don’t need to spend in order to feel good. But the thing is, I get so lonely. I try to reach out to people, and people don’t give me the time of day. I throw parties, and invite everyone I know, and no one shows. It’s so depressing. I want a deep friendship with someone who connects with me spiritually, you know? Not just these vain friendships with women who can afford to be SAHMs, and have money to waste here and there.

And my back is killing me from carrying my girl all day long. I’m depressed. And fat. I don’t need things to make me feel good, I need to feel good for myself. But it’s not easy! Really, it is so hard. I wish I could just call up a girl friend and tell her all about it. But I can’t. My mother is a nut job too, so there goes that one. Even if she wasn’t, she’s a Bible thumper to the core. I get so down sometimes I just want to run away. But I couldn’t. I love my daughter too much. And my husband.

I have to just put the past behind me, and free myself from it. It’s not my consequence anymore. Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with not feeling good once in a while. There is so much pressure to not be, or to be a certain way. We need to allow ourselves to feel once in a while. It’s okay to be down. So longs we at least try to learn from it.

I’m going to take a ritual bath tonite-one to help me heal. Color the water blue for healing, burn some incense, and add some lavender to the water to aid in depression. Lite a candle, and bingo. Instant spa relaxation.

I’m feeling better already…