Hard times in the city....

I really have been out of sorts lately. I don’t feel well at all. A bit down, frankly. I have been trying to make new friendships, and trying to connect with people. It seems like the only people that I can connect with are people who I have nothing in common with. I try to look for people who I can relate to, people who are creative and spiritual like me…but to no avail. I end up being let down. I just want to have a friendship. Is that too much to ask?

I lived my whole life sheltered, being shunned from establishing friendships because of my insane and possessive mother. No one taught me how to establish a friendship while I was growing up. No one taught me anything except heartache and how to be a fanatic Christian. I just want someone to go shopping with; someone to run errands with. You know what I mean? It is just so lonely in this city. No one really gets you at all. No one understands you, and everyone is so quick to judge you.

I watched “Bruce Almighty” last night. It’s all about this guy who thinks his life sucks, and thinks God (portrayed as a male) is not doing his job. It’s not fair, he says. Life sucks, and God is not there for me, blah blah blah. So God gives him all his powers and Bruce becomes god for like a week or so. It is a cool movie, in that Jim Kerry is hilarious. I love that part of the movie. I don’t agree with the idea of a dominant god being a male, nor do I agree that God is a god that is sitting there waiting for our beckon call to answer our prayers, nor do I agree that God decides our future. I do believe in fate, and in things being meant to be, but I think that we have a lot to do with our own future. I think that we can shape our fate, and control our destiny if we chose.

So my point in bringing up this movie, is that I understand how the character feels. Often times I just feel so overlooked in life. I feel like everyone shuffles through life, meanwhile I am always getting stuck, not being able to really move forward with things. Ugh. I just want to find some cool people to talk to and have coffee with.

I’ve tried looking online for mom groups, but I don’t find any creative mom groups at all. I don’t see any groups for mothers who are artistic and creative at all. Just moms with husbands who make probably twice what my husband makes. I have to continue my search, perhaps.

Anyone out there want to be my friend?

My thoughts on parenting....

Parenting really is something that is a common sense thing. It's so unfortunate that there are people that I know that really have little common sense at all. But parenting requires more than just common sense. It requires you to actually remember what it felt like growing up, and to remember what your parents did you, and it requires that you learn from your past first.
Too many people (like my parents) have children and do not have common sense, and raise their children to truly raise themselves. To be a good parent you have to be a good teacher.
Parenting classes would be alright for some folks, but good parenting comes from the heart.
I have a friend that is such a book parent. Everything out of her mouth is a quote from a book. Meanwhile her daughter is a brat. It takes more than books to raise a child. I can read all the books in the world.
I truly believe that there are people in the world who should not have children. There are people that should not have the privilege of having children. It angers me because I am a result of parents who should never have been allowed to raise children. But this is the world we live in.
In the end, the government is not going to be bothered by such a thing. So we are left to fiend for ourselves and raise ourselves.
But if we, who do know better, become an example, then we can hopefully shed some light to other folks.
I hope I shed a light to my friend (the aforementioned) when I told her that I don't believe in surrounding myself with all these nonsense books on child psychology. I know what my daughter needs. All I have to do is keep my third eye open, and listen to myself. Then I can be a great parent.
But being a good parent is also realizing that no one is perfect.
We all fuck up sometimes.

Right up my alley

So I'm going to take my boob out Oct. 10, and feed my daughter in public without covering up.
It's bad enough that we live in a society where I can't practice my belief in public (meanwhile the bible thumpers in the world can surely tell me I'm going to hell).
Why do we live in such an oppressive society? It's this male dominated society that just wants to oppress women, and control us and make us these silly drones.
I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of the narrow minded people that don't want to be my friend just because they find out I'm a witch. Well you know what? Fuck you. Honestly. I don't care anymore.
I don't agree with some people I know because I honestly could give two shits what people think of me. You can preoccupy yourself with that. Not me. Fuck it. Life is too short for me to be compassionate to Joe Shmoe Bible thumper.
I'll not trivialize what I believe in by throwing pearls to swine.
You may wonder what the hell this has to do with breastfeeding. But to me breastfeeding issuch a sacred and beautiful thing. It's such a magical thing that you do-feeding your child from yourself. It's what motherhood is all about. Giving of yourself to someone who's part of you. What a beautiful thing. It's like spirituality. It's such a sacred and beautiful thing. Then the pigs come and try to oppress motherhood and opress pagans to the point where I have to run out of restaurants, and have to practice my faith in fear of my bible thumper mother ever finding out (and casting out the demons she should take from herself that she thinks are in me).
So spirituality and breastfeeding are two sacred things I'm not going to be afraid of.
Visit http://www.leagueofmaternaljustice.com/2007/09/mission-2-the-g.html
for more info on The Great Virtual Breast Fest.

clipped from www.leagueofmaternaljustice.com League of Maternal Justice

My inspiration....

I love this shrine box!
I'm going to make something like this. I'm in the begining stage of making a shrine box to the goddess. This one I got from this site
http://www.artunraveled.com/images/Box_Shrine2.JPG
But I can't wait till the gesso is dry on my box to get started! I just have to build up a little collection of things that I think will look nifty.
A cool site for help on making religious shrine boxes is: http://www.buddhamind.info/leftside/actives/shrine.htm
I'm going to get some tips there.

clipped from www.artunraveled.com

I have to go to this..

I really do. This looks like such a good time. If only I had more friggin money. I hate being broke.
Why is it that when you are broke, you find so many great things to spend money on?
Ugh. I need a rich uncle.

clipped from www.womanvis.com October New Moon Circle: Finding Balance Wednesday, October 10th When: Wedensday, October 10th at 7pm Where:Children’s Aid Society, 219 Sullivan Street (between Bleecker and W3rd) Cost: $25 pre-registration, $30 at the door, FREE for women participating in Journey to Yourself 2008 Investment: Free Reservations Required: RSVP: to Joanna or Dawn at info@womanvis.com or 212-501-3892 This is the evening to take time just for you, identify where you would like to bring things back into balance, and take steps towards that goal. This month, we look at the ways our lives are in and out of balance. Where are you placing too much energy? And, where would you like to be placing more? Perhaps right now you are super-focused on your career, but it’s leaving no time for your romantic life. Or perhaps life has been so busy that you feel you’ve been neglecting your health and well-being.

I need this like I need a hole in my head

Why does america need cupcakes? Honestly.
So here I am reading this article on the New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/23/weekinreview/23kershaw.html
and I realize...I live in country of sweets.
It's interesting that my own mother said that when she came to this country over 30 years ago the first thing she noticed was that she put on about 15 pounds just from eating our food. Amazing.
I really try to eat healthy. I do
Lately, in my attempt to be one with the earth, I have been trying to swear off red meat. It's been going well. I feel healthier.
The thing is, I really want to feel like my body is in tune and in harmony with mother earth.
We'll see how it goes...

clipped from www.nytimes.com

Dammit, Martha Stewart...

Why does she have to always have such cute stuff?!
Well, now that she's moved on from Kmart, I can proudly use my Macys charge card (just kidding, oh hubby of mine). This spice rack is so cute!
I have to have it. It will sit nicely on my kitchen counter.
I have this old spice rack that sits on the wall, but honestly...the little brown brooklynites have gotten the best of it. It's gross.
The thing I hate the most about New York is the goddammed cockroaches.
So this thing is better. It's open, so there aren't dark spaces for them to hide in.
I love it!
I have to say, I really love Martha Stewart. I'm not ashamed of it either. I wish I had been locked up with her! I could have learned a thing or two!

clipped from www1.macys.com With 12 of the most essential herbs and spices at your disposal, you'll never be at a loss for flavor. Gleaming in gorgeous chrome, this three-tiered rack is designed for classic spice storage and easy countertop access. Limited lifetime warranty. Martha Stewart Collection Chrome Spice Rack

Positively…

So lately I've been trying something new. No more negative talk. It's amazing how much you find yourself talking negatively to yourself. You know, I actually tried to count how often negative thoughts or words come to my brain, and holy cow! Really, I lost count. It's crazy.

It's hard as a woman, to really shut down the inner critic. So often, we hear people tell us how thin we should be, or how tall, or how attractive, and to who's standards we should live up to; the media does such a great job of shutting down our self esteem to the point where we become these glazed eyed consumers who can only feel attractive if they purchase something, or spend money on a membership to a gym or waste money on some lame ass weight loss program.

Why waste your time on those things? Honestly, the best thing you can do for yourself is to stop the negative talk and move forward. Being a consumer is taking step backward in life. It's amazing how the things we want in our life are really blocked by our self image. There are goals that I have, and goals I'm sure you have for yourself. These goals are what make you feel positive, and alive. Accomplishing those makes you feel amazing. So instead of wasting your time with the negative talk and the consumerism, start a clothing swap and accomplish those goals!

I personally have affirmations that I get every day in my inbox. That helps me a lot. I read them aloud, and try to let it really sink in. I'm moving forward, baby!

Pagan Housecleaning

The one thing I love about being a witch is that I can incorporate paganism into the everyday life. The best way, for example, through housecleaning. I have a bottle of Rue water that I add into the water that I mop with. Of course, I use Orange essential oil and vinegar. But I also add the Rue, to help cleanse the home, and bring in love and good health to all who enter it.

When I sweep the floors, I imagine myself sweeping away all the negativity and arguments had. While mopping the floors, I imagine my goals coming to pass, and all the things I'm wanting for myself at the moment. I imagine bringing in prosperity, peace and love into my home. I'll then burn some incense (frankincense), with the windows open, to shoo away any stale or negative energy in the home.

I do this while I clean pretty much anything in my home. It works, truly! Even while washing clothes, you can add a little salt to the wash, along with a couple drops of some potion or essential oil, based on your desired effect. Just find out which essential oils work for what, and do it!

Ahhh…Zen…

The greatest thing about being me is how much I love road trips. I love them. So does my hubby. So we went to this wonderful Buddhist Monestary a few weeks ago. Love, love, love it. I do.

Not only do I feel amazingly at peace there, but it is truly a beautiful place. I really feel like it made a huge impact on my inner self, you know? I have been trying to truly apply myself in my daily yoga and meditation. It's an art-the act of letting go completely. It is then that change happens, I think.

Here's a good list of Buddhist temples, in case you want to check it out for yourself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Buddhist_temples

On another note, I've decided to turn over a new leaf. I'm no longer hiding my pagan-ness. Not at all. In my quest to make new friends, I've decided to not compromise who I am. I am so sick of breaking down my altar just for some bible thumper who can't stand the heat. Fuck that shit, I say. I am going to be who I am, and if you don't like it, too fucking bad.